What is poetry to me if it does not have you, my love, in it? What is the meaning of love, if you are found missing? Could I move on and forget about you simply because you have forgotten about me? May it not be so! May it not be so! If I forget you, may I live in the misery of forgetting you. If I dare to let go of you, may all that I do fail miserably.
Without you, I am like a silent Hebrew shewa – I don’t even exist though I exist. I am like that silent quiescent Hebrew aleph – lonely, empty, silent and with no one to hold. The very state of my existence is absolute non-existence without you. Without you by my side, without you on my mind, I am quite hallow.
Without you, I am like the August night sky without stars; like a river bed without water; like a raging flame without heat; like a beach without its sand. I am paradox without you.
Already I am complicated; already I am confusing.
No one understands me like you do; no, not one. How many lovers out there can quench this love? How much darkness will it take to turn this sky into night, so that the beauty of you, my love, may shine forth?
I’ve forgotten my duties – oh, but you alone have been faithful.
It is then when I lose track of time, in that moment, do I find you. I find you peering into my soul. You observe. You watch. You wait.
Like a leopard contemplating its next move, so are you, my love, waiting patiently upon me.
What have I done to deserve your affection? What have I done to receive your endless love? Have I not ranted miserably about you? Have I not spent countless nights fighting for you?
You see, in my dreams I do not find rest. I sleep only to dream that I am awake. I awake, only to know that I am bound captive to you.
And you ask me if I love you?
Why would love doubt itself?
I would rather perish than forget you – in you I move, in you I dream.
I hope that all goes well for you, knowing that I am a difficult person. Maybe you, too, will find your home in me. Maybe you, too, will find yourself resting only when I am at rest; loving only when I love you.
And you alone.
December 12th, 2013